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[personal profile] phoenvix
This is a little fic I work on sporadically i.e when I can be bothered/have an idea/ in an extremely silly mood. I haven't posted any of it over here yet so you get the two old chapters plus the brand new shiny one today! Yay!

Beware: herein lies absolute fucking CRACKFIC.

The fact was, it was Uni who started it.
Both girls had decided they needed something to change their lives. Being a walking strip show had been entertaining for a while as had sleeping on the floors of various parking lots. But now everything was getting old. Most of the time they were too tired, cold or hungry to even attempt trying any sort of criminal activity no matter how small it was. Their activity in the field of petty crime had not been missed.
So one morning whilst her sister was still sleeping Uni had gone out and into one of the busier shopping districts of Newport for a walk. The girls had stayed up late the night before discussing what to do and the fact was, they hadn’t a clue. Stupid thing was, they both kinda missed Buaku. At the very least he took care of them. Of course, it wasn’t that there weren’t people willing to take care of them….for a price. One the twins had grown tired pretty early on in their lives of paying. It wasn’t the fact that they weren’t totally willing to pay that price but the fact was it was all people seemed to expect of them, ok so it was what they’d been built for but the girls had always strived for more.
All that history aside however, this morning Uni came bouncing back up into the empty parking lot and promptly dumped a lot of comic books on her sleeping sister’s head. Anna woke up, startled as one would be when comics are dumped on one’s head, looked at them and promptly grabbed her sister by the scruff.
“Please tell me you did not just spend the very LAST of our money on this?” she demanded. Anna was not a morning person…er …android.
Uni flapped her hands about.
“Let me explain!” she squeaked. “They’re educational materials!”
Anna raised an eyebrow and her sister took this as incentive to continue.
“I was out watching tv through one of those big stores windows and this show was on about girls who get like a mentor who takes care of them and looks after them and stuff. Of course this isn’t a job without its perks but its an all female thing so no ugly, sweaty men trying to dress us up in maids outfits or nothing. It’s called the Soeur System.”
Anna let her sister go and picked up one of the comics.
“This still loks like the same old only in sailor uniforms.” She mused. “But why were you thinking of this?”
“Well a woman would be better right and she could take care of us and feed us and it seems that the Petit Soeurs only reward their Grande Soeur that way if she’s been very good so its not like they can could tell us what to do right…and no ugly, sweaty fat old men.”
“But where would we find a Grande Soeur who’d be able to well, handle us?” Anna said. Uni’s eyes took on a strange gleam.
“Oh, I have one idea…”

Across the city, in a busy police office a bespectacled young chap sat typing busily. He looked around and then remarked cryptically,
“I sense a disturbance in the Force.”
“You been marathoning Star Wars again Four-Eyes?” Leona Ozaki asked before turning back to her own reports. Disturbance in the Force indeed!

“Oh,” the desk clerk muttered rubbing his eyes. “I am seeing things.”
When the hallucinations asked him a question, he merely pointed towards the tank garage and swiftly turned back to his desk, frantically picking up his phone and dialling.
“Hi honey, its me. Could you get me booked in with Doc Robbins?”
He always knew his job would drive him crazy in the end.

“Well if you hadn't been slamming your foot on my head at the time I might have been able to drive a bit more!”
“You're supposed to be able to drive under pressure anyway dummy! Now look what you did, There is a scratch on my Bonaparte!”
“And you did send the guy who inflicted said scratch 50 feet into the air to land in a bloody broken heap Leona.”
The short haired brunette put her hands on her hips and gave her partner a glare that would have sent the SAS scurrying somewhere to hide.
“I wouldn't have had to do that if you had managed to evade the damn shot.”
“Oh yeah, I'm real good at evading shots.” Al muttered, mentally flashing back to a couple of months ago. “Anyway, asides from that, don't we have to...whuh...?”
He blinked to make sure of what he was seeing. Leaned to the side, blinked again and yeah, still there.
“What the hell is wrong with yo-”Leona began.
“Gokigenyou Oneesama!” two chirpy and sugary sweet voices said in unison. Leona, for all of her formidable reputation almost hit the roof in shock as she whirled round to face the intruders.
“What?” she squeaked.
The criminals known as the Puma Twins stood there. They were wearing what could only be described as a school uniform made out of green sheeting, little white sailor collar and tie, the whole shebang. Their normally wild hair was yanked back into twin ponytails with more plastic sheeting acting as ribbons. Identical simpering smiles were plastered onto their faces and their hands were folded in front of them. Leona looked from one to the other then at Al and quickly decided there was no help forthcoming from there.
“What!?” she repeated.
“We decided,” Anna begun. “although it is unusual in the tradition that because you seem like you have things figured out and a strong, sensible woman that you shall be our Oneesama.”
Al's eyebrow hit the rafters.
“WHAT?!” Leona shrieked. By now half of the station was gathering to see the spectacle.
“Of course this isn't a job without its perks,” Uni continued. “We couldn't possibly ask you to take us under your wing and guide us without some sort of reward.”
“Nyyuueh?” Leona asked. For once, she was speechless and several officers behind her thought it was the most blissful thing they'd heard.
“Let us demonstrate..”
Al's other eyebrow hit the rafters along with pretty much everyone else's.
Captain Brenten wiped away a tear.
“Of all the days not to have a camera handy...”
“Not. HELPING!” Leona screamed.
“Someone's going to die for this.” Al decided as he, much to some of the other officers' chagrin managed to extract his partner away from the over-friendly androids.

Fifteen minutes later, the Pumas were explaining things to the red faced Chief who'd come down as they tried to “persuade” Leona to be their oneesama again. Leona for the most part was sitting curled up in a chair, mumbling nonsense. The office girls were gossiping and Al and the rest of the Tank Police were looking confused.
“So they said they got this idea off a TV show?” Four-Eyes asked. Al nodded.
“Yeah, dread to think what channel though.”
Captain Brenten made a choking sound but quickly covered his mouth as Al glared in his general direction.
“Geeble foo yah.” Leona added helpfully.
“Right back atcha.” Al replied.
The Chief wandered out, looking tired. He normally did anytime five minutes after starting work.
“Chibblefik moo.” Leona chirruped on seeing him. He looked thoughtfully at Al.
“Can you snap her out of it?”
Al nodded and stood up, walking over to where Leona sat.
“Bibi gop?”
“Leona, I'm going to go downstairs and put Bonaparte in the crusher. I'm then going to dance the hula buck naked on the squished, mangled remains whilst whooping in joy.”
“Geffri...WHAT?” Leona snarled as she leapt out of her chair and slammed her unfortunate partner against a row of filing cabinets. “You will do no such thing you horrible, stinking little SHI-...why are they still here?”
“They..never...left.” Al choked between trying to breathe.
“He's a brave man.” The Rev said. Several of the Tank Police nodded in agreement.
“Gotta wonder if that's not a secret fantasy of his.” Brenten hissed.

“I've spoke to Ethics and the Division Sector Chief and they have decided to run a sort of experiment..”
“And well, basically, if you don't, they do have ways of forcing the issue. Someone high-up took an interest and..”
Outside the Chief's office door, the Tank Police wnced at the shrill tone of Leona's voice.
“Hey, Al, isn't the Division Sector Chief your dad?” Brenten asked. The younger officer nodded.
“And he kind of makes it his life's mission to cause Leona as much pain and embarrassment as possible,” he hissed back. “He never got over the whole me getting shot thing.”
“Overprotective.” Brenten observed.
“CRUSH BONAPARTE??!” Leona screamed from inside.
“Oh...thats bad even for him.” Al chuckled.
“Can he even get away with that?” Four-Eyes asked. Al shrugged.
“For her? Yeee-ep.”
At that moment the door flew open, the officers jumped back with instincts borne out of experience. Leona stormed out, slumped at her desk and rhythmically began beating her head off it.
“ARRRRGH! I can't STAND it!” she shrieked after a moment. There was a movement in the assembled group of Tank Police and Al found himself being pushed forward. Leona jumped out of her chair and pointed her finger accusingly at him.
“You! Your bloody father AGAIN! Now I have to look after those two dimwit excuses for criminals and, ANND they're wiping their records because of some STUPID decision about androids not being responsible for their actions!”
She whipped her head round, ready to start on the Pumas.
“Just for the record, I'm not agree-hey, where'd they go?”
“Brenten sent them to get the material they got their idea from.” Al said, deadpan.
“Yeah y'know, for research purposes.” Brenten said. Al and Leona both cast him a withering glance.
“Well you never know,” Brenten said, quickly changing the subject.2 This might be good for you Leona, teach you some compassion, respect for other beings, gentleness.”
“The art of lesbian sex. “ Nam added unhelpfully. Leona didn't even blink, just punched him. Nam decided, since he was already on the floor, he didn't have much to lose.
“But make sure you film it...” he said, passing out.
“Anyone got any other smart ass comments?” Leona snarled, glaring at her colleagues. There were several murmurs and shook heads. Al simply rubbed the rising bruise on his throat where she'd choked him earlier.
“We got the stuff!” Uni yelled from the corridor, Her and her sister came in, laden down with comic books.
“Oh joy, oh happiness, all for me..” Leona sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Well this is interesting,” Brenten said, flicking thought one of the books. Leona who had told the twins of the decision sat in her chair and tossed another one of them down in disgust.
“Who writes this shit?” she muttered.
“Lemme see,” Sophie, who had come in with a tray of coffee popped it down in easy reach of the officers and leaned over. Leona smirked waiting for the reaction from the sweet woman.
“This is a RARE one. Wow.”
Leona's face dropped.
“I'm sorry but WHAT.”
Sophie held up the book which depicted barely covered schoolgirls in a sapphic embrace.
“This. It's rare.” she said. She turned to the twins. “You know these are doujinshi right?”
“Doujinshi?” Anna asked. Sophie nodded.
“Maria-Sama Ga Miteru Doujinshi to be exact. The show itself is very sweet and not at all like these,” she gestured to the pile of books. “These are fan-comics loves. You got the wrong end of the stick.”
“Oh. Hallelujah.” Leona said.
“The basic concept is the same-the Soeur System but it is more of a sisterly thing not a hot and steamy thing.”
Leona looked like she was about to jump up and down. Sophie turned back to the pile of books.
“You guys hit the motherlode in doujin though. Buy 'em off ya?”
“Sure!” the twins enthused.
“An' tell me where you got 'em from,” Sophie said as she rummaged in her bag as her and the girls discussed pricing.
“Uh Sophie?” Al asked. “you do realise those are...well, porn right?”
Sophie grinned wickedly.
“So are the other 3000 in my collection.” she said and gathering the doujins, left the room with a lascivious wink over her shoulder at Al who blushed furiously.
“Well,” Leona said. “The more you know...”

Yeah, I like the idea of pervert!Sophie. :P


September 2011

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